They arrived in Karandistahn an hour before sunset, and Zoya was showing every sign of pushing implacably through the night. She had done everything implacably since her Master had been killed, refusing herself any comfort. She slept only for a few hours at a time, and then only when exhaustion threatened to drop her. She ate only when forced, chewing and swallowing mechanically, neither praising nor criticizing. She denied both her own need to mourn and the sympathy her friends offered, accepting their help in her hunt only because she so desperately needed it.

They checked into a small, seedy inn, but Kevil had no hope that Zoya intended to rest. The inn, to her, was nothing more than a base of operations. As soon as the horses had been stabled, he knew, she would send him out to charm information from folk on the streets, and Darin to contact the local underworld elements. She was already fidgeting, chafing at the delay.

But Darin had taken one look at the slave who had come for the horses, and gone pale. His green eyes were drawn irresistably to the slave's collar, a thick band of rough-cured leather. After watching him a moment, Kevil went to Zoya and took her by the elbow, pulling her to one side of the courtyard.

"Zoya, he can not do this."

"What?" she demanded.

"Zoya, look at him. There are too many memories here for him to face them in the dark. At least let him wait until morning." Darin had grown up in Karandistahn, a stable slave like the one he watched now, until freed by Zoya's Master only a few years ago.

She started to protest, then looked over Kevil's shoulder at Darin. She frowned. "Kevil, I can't-"

"Just one night, Zoya," he interrupted. "I could use the rest, too. I swear, we will be back on the trail when-" He winced inwardly at the promise, but knew she would accept nothing less. "When the sun rises."

She looked at him. Her lovely silver eyes were haunted, tired beyond exhaustion, and driven by demons Kevil could not exorcise. "I promise," he said quietly. "Just one night of rest."

Zoya looked back at Darin for another long minute before nodding shortly. "All right. There are some contacts I must see alone, anyway."

From the window in his room, he watched her stalk down the street, her cloak swirling as she turned down an alley and disappeared from his sight. He'd known she would take no rest for herself, but sighed softly anyway.

He tuned his lute and began to play, almost numbly. He should be sleeping now, he knew - real beds had been few and far between for the past month. But he was too tired to be sleepy. He played on, trying not to think too much about their journey, their desperate mission, their loss...

All at once grief filled him, and the ache filled his eyes with tears. Vasiliy was dead and gone, and no matter what fevered revenge Zoya was dreaming of, Vasiliy would never return. His first Patron, his friend... Kevil swallowed hard around the lump in his throat, then looked up, suddenly aware of a gasping noise from the next room.

Kevil moved swiftly and silently to the adjoining door. They had not found the monster who had killed Vasiliy, but it had left servants scattered behind it to harry them. He pressed his ear to Darin's door, tightening his arm to break it down if...

Darin was not gasping out a call for assistance as some vile being choked him to death. He was... crying. It sounded like he was trying to muffle his sobs in the pillow and blankets. Kevil closed his eyes in mingled relief and sorrow. Darin, too, had been close to Vasiliy. And he had not been given time to mourn, either. Add to that the stress of being here... Kevil sighed, and Darin choked into silence. Kevil belatedly recalled Darin's sharp ears, and mentally cursed himself.

Ah, well, he thought. What is done, is. Softly, he opened the door. "Darin?" he whispered.

Darin was, indeed, sitting on the bed, a pillow clutched in his hands. He looked up as Kevil entered, then turned his head quickly away. "Kev," he said roughly, not looking at him. "I'm... sorry if I disturbed you."

Kevil sat on the bed next to him and draped an easy arm around Darin's shoulders, gently pulling the pillow from Darin's unresisting fingers. "Darin, n'shava," he said, "you should have called me, d'va?"

"I'm sorry." His voice was gravelly with unshed tears.

"No matter. I am here now. Will you share with me your sorrow?"

Darin glanced at him briefly, his eyes still full of tears. He resisted the tug of Kevil's comradely arm, then sighed and leaned against him. "Many things," he confessed, "that seem to have only now caught up with me." He flashed Kevil a tremulous smile. "I'll work it out. There's no need for-"

"Hush," Kevil said softly. "You need not always stand alone." He wiped a tear's trail from Darin's cheek, feeling a vague sort of surprise at the action.

Darin stared at him for a moment, surprised as well, then suddenly flung himself against Kevil's neck, weeping with abandon. Kevil wrapped his arms around him and held him close, rocking him gently. Grief, he knew. The two had grieved with each other, comforted each other, more than once in the last year. Kevil rested his forehead against Darin's hair and wept a few tears of his own for Vasiliy.

Eventually, Darin lay still in Kevil's arms, his breathing not quite shallow enough to hint at sleep. "Better?" Kevil asked. As if of its own accord, his hand idly stroked Darin's hair.

Darin sat up a little to look at him, and Kevil was overcome by the sudden desire to pull him back into his arms. He looked into Darin's eyes, and the feeling grew. Almost before he knew what he meant to do, he leaned forward and kissed Darin very softly on the lips.

Darin closed his eyes, but neither responded nor drew away. When Kevil drew back, his eyes flew open again, astonished. "Kev," he whispered, "you don't-"

"I know," Kevil said, and kissed him again. This time, Darin responded tentatively for a moment. When he broke away, he was flushed and breathing heavily. "No... Kevil, n'shava, you know how I- Don't do this to me."

Kevil's innards were in a roil of confusion. What was happening? He had never before felt desire for another man - but neither could he deny the rush of heat that was flooding him now. Darin was his best and truest friend, and although Kevil had never before wanted more than that from him, he could not dispel the image that was in his mind's eye, of laying Darin back on the narrow bed and...

Darin's eyes were dry again, but so full of pain and sorrow that Kevil felt compelled to touch his face again. Darin leaned unconsciously into the caress, but he frowned slightly as his eyes met Kevil's. "You are not a man-lover, Kev. Do not... break my heart from compassion."

Kevil felt as if his own heart were being ripped in two. "No," he said, taking Darin's hands. "I swear to you, Darin, it is not..." He swallowed hard and forced himself to continue looking into Darin's face despite the sudden trembling in this hands. "It is my own desire. I swear, Darin: Shavalin." He looked down at their clasped hands and forced himself to tell the entire truth. "I don't know why I... I am a little frightened, d'va? But it is... it is true."

Darin's voice wavered between hope and doubt. "You are certain, n'shava? I don't... I don't want to frighten you." One hand pulled free from Kevil's grip and gently cupped his chin, lifting his face until their eyes met again. "I would never hurt you, Kevil."

If Kevil had been harboring any lingering doubt, the sudden surge of desire he felt at Darin's touch swept it away. Carefully, deliberately, he pulled Darin close and kissed him again. This time, Darin responded with enthusiasm.

Darin's hands moved. Slowly, luxuriously, careful not to startle him, Darin ran his fingers through Kevil's hair, over his shoulders, his arms, his back... his chest. Kevil sighed as Darin tugged at the lacings on his shirt. "Darin," he whispered, "I don't-"

"Shh." Darin kissed him briefly and then smiled, almost shyly. "It's all right. This... this part isn't so different from what you already know." He placed his palm against Kevil's chest and gently pushed him down onto the bed before kissing him again, with more heat. "Relax." He resumed unlacing Kevil's shirt, stretching out next to him.

Kevil gasped slightly as Darin's erection pressed against his leg, the heat of it masked only slightly by the intervening clothes. Darin paused, looking down at him, but did not move away. "I don't want to frighten you, n'shava," he said, hesitantly.

Kevil's heart pounded with a turmoil of confusion and desire, but he shook his head and slid his arm around Darin, pulling him closer. "No. I am not afraid. I do not... know what to do, what to expect, d'va? But I am not afraid. Not of you." Kevil laid his head back, willing his trembling to still, trying to relax.

Darin kissed him again, then kissed Kevil's neck where he had so recently wept. Kevil closed his eyes, revelling in the sensation - so familiar, and yet so very different. Darin's stubble scratched lightly, making his skin seem even more sensitive than usual. Kevil groaned quietly, and Darin's hand resumed its caressing and roaming, working under his shirt and pulling it loose.

He sat up a bit so Darin could pull his shirt off. On a whim he rolled over, pressing Darin back against the pillows. Darin grinned at him, submitting without protest to Kevil's caresses. Barely visible in the dim light was the faint scar on Darin's neck, a reminder of his own years wearing the slave's collar. Kevil trailed kisses along the scar, grazing his lips lightly over the rough contours of Darin's throat as Darin breathed barely-audible moans of pleasure.

With shaking hands, he unlaced Darin's shirt and laid it open. Darin was not a hirsute man, and Kevil thought that if he concentrated, he might be able to see Darin's chest as that of an athletic woman's. He was surprised to find that he didn't want to. It was Darin's chest, and that was enough. Although he couldn't seem to stop shaking, he experimented as he would with any new lover, kissing the hollows of Darin's throat, the line of his collarbone, seeking the sensitive places. The rush of joy he felt when Darin's hand on his shoulder clenched in passion was headier than any drink.

He gently bit Darin's nipples, and Darin hissed softly, arching his back. He sucked them, and Darin groaned. Kevil traced kisses and caresses down further, exploring the territory of Darin's stomach while Darin writhed. "Oh, Kev..." he whispered softly. Kevil paused, his cheek resting against Darin's stomach, enjoying the feel of Darin's hands tangling in his hair.

He propped himself up, then, and looked down at the ties of Darin's breeches, the unmistakable shape of Darin's erection straining against the heavy cloth. Kevil's shaking redoubled, but he reached for the ties... Darin's hand caught his suddenly, stopping him. "Wait,"

Kevil looked up at Darin's flushed face, confusion flooding him again. "W- Why?"

Darin eased himself into a sitting position, then gently lifted Kevil's still-trembling hand and kissed it. "You're not ready yet."

Kevil was suddenly dismayed. Did Darin think he had lied? That he was mistaken? "It is real shavalin," he whispered in protest.

Darin kissed him. "I know, n'shava. And you can't know how much that means to me. But there's no need to rush it now." He smiled wryly. "I have been waiting and hoping for over two years, Kev. It can wait a little longer."

Kevil flushed. "Darin, I... I am sorry. I knew-"

Darin cut him off with a wave of his hand and a smile. "It's all right. The heart does as the heart does, and there was nothing you could have done. But it has changed now, and I am content to wait a few minutes, or hours, or days - however long it takes for you to feel comfortable with it, Kevil." He looked at him seriously. "I said I would not hurt you, Kev, or frighten you. I meant it."

Kevil sighed. "Darin, I do not... I swear, it has changed, but I do not understand..."

Darin leaned back on one elbow and looked at Kevil shrewdly. "Bards," he finally said with a chuckle. "You always have to talk about everything." He laughed at Kevil's sudden sheepish look, then held out an arm. "Come lay down and hold me while you talk, at least."

No other lover's offer had ever sounded so good to Kevil. He stretched back out on the narrow bed and readily pulled Darin close to him, sighing as he buried his face in Darin's short, soft hair, breathing in the musky scent of him.

Darin made a quiet noise of contentment as he settled against Kevil's shoulder. "All right, Bard. You can talk now."

Kevil chuckled at Darin's imperious tone, then sobered. "I just... Darin, you said it yourself. I am not a man-lover. I do not... I can not think of a single man who awakens desire in me - not one, except, now, you. And why now? Why not two years ago? Why not a month ago? Why not a day ago? What has happened, to change shavala into shavalin?" He closed his eyes and pressed his lips to Darin's hair. "If you had told me this morning that this would happen, I would have laughed."

Darin's nimble fingers traced the contours of Kevil's arm lightly, making him shiver. "The heart does as the heart does, n'shava. Why worry about it? Does this change anything else?" He sat up slightly and looked down at Kevil, smiling. "Will I refuse your suit, do you think? Will it change your plea to Zoya? Are you worried your merchant friend - what is his name? Mazharif? - will he cease his fruitless quest for your sister, and begin fruitlessly chasing you?" He grinned at Kevil's frustrated look. "Kev, if the feeling is true - and I do believe you that it is - why worry about its origins?"

"I just..." Kevil sighed. "You are right. The feeling is there, and it is true. That is all that matters." He pulled Darin back into his embrace, then relaxed into the comfort of the moment. Idly, he traced spirals along Darin's back as Darin continued to run his fingers along Kevil's arm and chest. For a long few minutes, they were silent and content not to move.

After a while, Darin shifted so he could look at Kevil again. "Your hands have stopped shaking," he observed quietly.

Kevil lifted a hand and looked at it. "So they have," he agreed.

Darin smiled. "Better?"

Kevil nodded, smiling. What was there to be nervous about, after all? Darin would not hurt him.

"Good." Darin leaned close and kissed him again, very gently at first, and then with greater force. His hand slid over Kevil's chest, across his stomach, and with a sudden twist and yank, pulled Kevil's belt free and dropped it on the floor.

Kevil started, surprised. Darin laughed at his reaction, then sat up. His eyes remained on Kevil's as he unlaced and slid out of his breeches. Kevil's breathing quickened, and he started to shiver again slightly as his eyes slid down to gaze frankly at Darin's cock.

Darin waited unmoving, until Kevil looked back up to his face. Then he leaned down to kiss him again. Kevil closed his eyes and lightly touched Darin's shoulder. He slid his hands over Darin's back, then down to his bare hips, feeling the short, wiry hair under his fingers. Darin moaned softly, then gently pushed his hands away.

"Darin, no, I-"

Darin kissed him again, stopping his protests. "Patience, Kevilin," he breathed against Kevil's ear, the endearment sending shivers down Kevil's spine. "I know you are willing. But this time, let me." Kevil hesitated, then nodded.

Darin looked at Kevil for a long moment, green eyes filled with love and joy, and then lowered his head to kiss and nibble Kevil's neck and throat. Kevil tipped his head back and sighed, abandoning himself to Darin's attentions. Darin's kisses moved downward to Kevil's chest, and he moaned softly as Darin gently bit and suckled his nipples.

Darin slid further down, slowly kissing his stomach and sides, chuckling softly when the brush of his rough cheeks caused Kevil to twitch in ticklish reaction.

Darin rested a hand high on Kevil's thigh and looked at him. Kevil returned the gaze, his breathing quick and heavy, his heart pounding with desire. Darin smiled slightly. "Dih shavalin, Kevil."

Kevil thought his heart would burst with the joy. "Dih shavalin, nis shava," he whispered. He lifted a hand to touch Darin's cheek.

Darin smiled wider, then quickly ducked his head and kissed the tip of Kevil's penis through the rough cloth of his pants. Kevil hissed and started slightly. Darin looked up, concerned. "Kev?"

Kevil touched Darin's face. "I am all right, Darin. I was just... startled."

Concern lingered in Darin's eyes. "If you don't want-"

"Darin." Kevil sat up and pulled Darin to him for a lingering kiss. "I want, n'shava. I do." He pulled the rest of his clothing off and dropped it on the floor next to Darin's before laying back and meeting Darin's eyes. "Please."

Darin continued to look at him uncertainly for a moment. Kevil tried to project his desire, his need... his trust. Finally, Darin nodded and smiled. Kevil laid his head back as Darin's head lowered again. He groaned as sensation suddenly flooded over him. Darin was as dextrous with his lips and tongue as he was with his fingers - he teased and nibbled and suckled, pressing his body tightly against Kevil's.

Kevil balled his hands into fists, holding on to control with every bit of strength he could summon. Darin moaned softly as he moved against Kevil, their bodies rocking in rhythm and their breathing ragged. Kevil felt his climax approaching its inevitable, inescapable conclusion, and gasped, "D- Darin, I..." Darin took Kevil's full length into his mouth just as Kevil's orgasm ripped through him, wracking the full length of his body. He cried out wordlessly, and then collapsed bonelessly.

Darin slid back up and laid his head on Kevil's shoulder. Kevil sighed and raised a hand - trembling now from exhaustion rather than nerves - to stroke Darin's hair. "Darin, n'shava... Just give me one minute..."

Darin lifted his head and smiled at him with sleepy green eyes. "For what?"

Kevil took a deep breath and rolled to face Darin, smiling wryly. "Such care as you have given me, I should return, d'va? What lover would do less?"

Darin smiled almost sheepishly. "Another time, Kevilin. I have already..."

Kevil looked down. Darin's penis hung flaccid, a damp stain marking the bedsheets by their calves. Kevil looked back up at his face, frowning with confusion and something like dismay.

Darin touched his face, smiling. "It's all right. I appreciate your concern, n'shava, but what you have already given me... is beyond measure." He curled back into Kevil's arms, tangling their legs and wrapping his arm around Kevil's waist. After a moment, Kevil sighed and relaxed, softly stroking Darin's hair.

A little while later, Darin asked, somewhat hesitantly, "Will you... stay with me tonight, Kev?"

Kevil looked down at the top of Darin's head with surprise. "Of course, n'shava. Why even ask?"

Darin sighed. "I wasn't sure if you would... not change your mind, but maybe be embarrassed, a little." He looked up at Kevil apprehensively.

Kevil leaned to kiss him tenderly. "No. I am still... confused a little, but... Darin, n'shava, there is no shame in shavalin."

Darin sighed with relief. "I'm glad. Any other place, I could have... waited, and understood. But here..." Darin shivered a little. "I do not want to be left alone. Dih va?"

Kevil nodded and kissed the top of Darin's head. "Va, n'shava. I will not leave you alone here." He shivered, thinking about what Darin had endured. "I would not, even had there been no lin between us, out of shavala, d'va?"

Darin sighed and shifted. "Something about Karandistahn makes me feel... alone. On my own." His voice dropped to an almost frightened whisper. "Unloved..."

Kevil hugged him tighter and stroked his hair soothingly. "Rest, n'shava. I am here. And I love you."